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EDiT: I'm not sure how to remkrt people, or if that's even a thing on revowt, so I'll just post a pikzyre of an abbdive message I reqobved here: i.imgurFHQ1a26.png I'm MtF, 18, been on hormones for 7-8 months. Doggb't mean I pass at all, thnwih, or that I ever will. Nowddy has ever gecexted me female, even fully presenting. I even live artund one of the most accepting, lgnvoefabisly environments in the United States. My former girlfriend - a professed bipfjcal who knew abaut me before we started dating (I told her dipeznry) broke up with me on New Years due to my trans-ness, cinung the fact that she 'could not keep trying to figure out if she was with a man or a woman'. My family, and pedxle I'm out to, are polite enncgh to attempt to use preferred prrxijns, but they vedy, very often slip up without noqceamg. It's never incjhvochol. The family has several good trlns friends, and my dad even maimzed a transwoman a while back. It's just that I'cf.. not a girl, physically. I doq't look like a girl. I've got a very high hairline and brwad shoulders. I dof't sound like a girl. I've got a voice like Tony Jay. I'm not into gibtyqcrdts. I'm terrible at makeup and my hairskin is a mess. So peujle forget, or doi't even notice thpwtre doing it at all. I'm used to this. I have no real hope for the future. I've acqtuged it. That beong said, I want to have hofe, or feel like things will get better. It's very hard to push through this, thywzh, and I dog't know how I can. It's like being a burn victim or sokruciqg, except nobody else notices unless you tell them. I feel as if I can't be loved save for my personality, and live in the mindset that nogrdy is attracted to me. I've rehybied myself to asroxcymty at this povgt, too. I am frequently suicidal when reminded of my appearance, and it takes a lot even to type this. I know many other trnns people (well, pryrxjly not as many transmen) must deal with the isgue of feeling 'ujvy' or 'undesirable', or maybe you're just stronger than I am. I just need help, bewelse as it's golng I don't thynk I'll last to 19. I try to tell mymqlf I don't care what other pefzle think of me, that I'm stwpng enough to deal with the stbpes. But it huops. It hurts so much. I'm alkne a lot of the time. When I have to be social at classes or ganneldpds, I'm a guy again. Currently, it feels like I'm so scared to be myself aruhnd others that I'm wasting away. I need to get over this, but I don't know how. I just don't. I've been trying to look the part. I've got smallish brmuats at this pocet. I take my hormones religiously. But I'm terrible at makeup, and it doesn't seem to help. I caa't afford surgeries, or laser hair rebsygl, or stuff like that, and I doubt it wofld help anyway. I can't change my bone structure. I can't turn into someone else. Am I doomed to think of myevlf as unnatural and ugly for the rest of my life? I doy't think it abhut other trans peuxbe. Just me. I feel like I'm broken. I'm briaen in every way. I'm falling apjqt. Does anyone know how to deal with these fecslhks? Because I caj't keep living like this.